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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302915">Mend my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessDreamer/pseuds/recklessDreamer'>recklessDreamer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Era, First Kiss, Handcuffed Together, Jealousy, M/M, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:40:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessDreamer/pseuds/recklessDreamer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It were three words that managed to crush Arthur's heart completely. </p><p> </p><p>Or, in which Arthur finds out that Merlin is in love and decides it's better to distance himself from his servant. Merlin won't let that happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>385</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mend my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey (:</p><p>This is my first English fic so sorry for any mistakes.</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It were three words that managed to crush Arthur's heart completely. </p><p>Arthur was standing in the courtyard with Gwen, watching his servant tend to the horses of some nobleman who had just arrived in Camelot.<br/>
Later, of course, Arthur would deny that he had stared at Merlin at all, but it was hard not to watch his servant when Merlin had this small smile and that dreamy expression on his face that told Arthur that Merlin was deep in his thoughts.<br/>

"He's in love." Gwen said, not noticing that these words had the power to destroy all of Arthur's hopes and dreams. His head whipped around so that he was facing Gwen.<br/>
"Who's in love?"<br/>

Surely, she couldn't mean Merlin. The courtyard was empty apart from the two of them and his servant, but she might be talking about…  one of the horses?<br/>

"Merlin," Gwen answered, "See, how he's running his hand through his hair now and then? And that little smile on his face? Those are always signs that he's in love."<br/>
Of course Arthur had seen Merlin doing those things numerous times. After all, he knew his servant better than anyone else. But he had never known what they meant.<br/>

Love, so Arthur realized, was a traitorous thing. It crept it's way into your heart, undetected and unwanted. It made your heart beat faster and your stomach tighten in excitement and your days brighter. It made you feel invincible.<br/>
And then, when you at least expect it, it crushes you, leaving your heart in tiny pieces like a broken vase that you are never able to make whole again. Sure, you can try to mend it, but you will always see that it has been broken once. </p><p>Arthur had always known that there could never happen anything between him and Merlin. With him being a prince and Merlin being a servant and a man. But more importantly, Merlin surely did not love him back.<br/>
There were times in which Arthur wondered whether maybe… maybe Merlin did feel the same. A lingering touch, when he helped Arthur change his clothes. A smile, that was only a tad brighter than usual when he woke him up. A shared glance during a banquet when one of the visiting royals said something utterly ridiculous.<br/>
Now Arthur knew that all those moments never had meant anything. Merlin may be his best friend but nothing more. And he was in love with someone else. </p><p>"That poor girl," Arthur managed to choke out, "being loved by someone with such ridiculously huge ears and those stupid neckerchiefs and…" Arthur trailed off. He just didn't manage to sound convincing.<br/>

Gwen smiled at him and Arthur suddenly had the feeling that she knew exactly what he was thinking.<br/>

"Do you know who it is? " Arthur asked, not really wanting to know the answer.<br/>

Gwen just shrugged. "I have my suspicions."<br/>

When she saw the curiosity in Arthur's glance she had to laugh. "I don't care that you are the prince. I won't tell you. It's not my place to tell you Merlin's secrets."<br/>
Arthur contemplated whether he should use his sword to force the answer out of Gwen, but he would miss their daily gossiping sessions. And Gwen was the only one, apart from Merlin, who would always tell Arthur what she really thought about his actions and opinions.<br/>

"Oh, don't look at me like this, Arthur Pendragon. I won't tell you. And I'm sure you will find out soon enough anyway." With those words Gwen strode off. </p><p>With a sigh, Arthur glanced back at Merlin. And there it was again, Merlin's hand running absentmindedly through his hair. How much Arthur suddenly hated this gesture.<br/>
Abruptly , Arthur turned around to head towards his chambers. He would find out who it was that Merlin was so besotted with. And if Arthur didn't deem this person worthy of Merlin's love, he was definitely in for a duel to the death. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After the realization that Merlin was in love, Arthur paid more attention to the actions of his servant. And he couldn't help but notice how often Merlin was running his hand through his hair - so often, it always was completely disheveled - and how often the little smile appeared on Merlin's face. He also couldn't help but notice how happy Merlin looked in those moments. And who was Arthur, not to want to see Merlin happy?<br/>
As much as it pained Arthur, if Merlin was that happy with another person he would not stand in the way of their love. </p><p>However, as time went by, Arthur never saw Merlin with anybody who could be his lover and it started to dawn on Arthur that, maybe, the many chores as well as Merlin's close connection with the prince prevented the servant from being with the person he loved.<br/>
So Arthur started to distance himself from Merlin.<br/>
It's for Merlin’s own sake, he would say to himself when Merlin gave him a disappointed look whenever Arthur didn’t engage in their usual banter.<br/>
He also started to give most of Merlin's chores to George.<br/>
It didn’t take long for Merlin to notice the change in Arthur's behavior. He tried to talk to Arthur a couple of times but Arthur always thought of some excuse. Merlin was better off without him anyway and Arthur's heart was already broken enough. </p><p> </p><p>It was during a hunting trip that Merlin finally lost his patience.<br/>
They had somehow lost all the other knights and it was only Merlin and Arthur walking through the quiet forest.<br/>

"Arthur," Merlin said and that caught the prince's attention. Merlin had been chatting on for a while now, talking about different types of butterflies, but suddenly the light tone had disappeared from Merlin's voice.<br/>

"Arthur, I need to talk to you."<br/>

"Oh, look," Arthur pointed towards a small, blue butterfly sitting on a branch next to him. "That's a Blueling, isn't it? Or was it a Skyflyer?" 

Merlin furrowed his brows. Arthur knew that his servant did not get angry easily but when he spoke now, there was a hint of fury in Merlin's voice.<br/>
"It's a Blue dancer, Arthur, but you can't keep doing this, always changing the subject, I mean. Just talk to me. You've been avoiding me for the past week. What have I done wrong? Just tell me. You can't just run away every time I try to talk to you."<br/>
Merlin's voice got louder with every word.<br/>

Arthur averted Merlin's glance. "I think I've forgotten something in the castle," he muttered and turned around in an attempt to flee. He didn't get far.<br/>
Merlin's hand caught his arm and in the next second, Arthur felt something cold around his wrist. Arthur looked down.<br/>

"Did you just shackle us together?" While the one half of the chains was around Arthur's wrist, the other encircled Merlin's own like a silvery snake.<br/> They ran so often into bandits in these forests that Arthur thought about bringing chains with him this time. Now he regretted it.<br/>

Merlin shot him a smug look. "If you won't talk to me, I have to make you."<br/>
And with those words, Merlin threw the little key that belonged to the chains into the dense brushwood next to them.<br/>

"No," Arthur bolted after the key only to be halted by a yank in his wrist. He would never find that key again.<br/>

"I will let you go as soon as you talk to me. You can't just shut me out forever."<br/>

Arthur whirled around to face Merlin. Who was his servant to think that he could just go around, getting away with shackling the crown prince of Camelot? </p><p>"Has anyone ever told you that you are an utter idiot?"<br/>

Merlin just raised his eyebrows. "Yes. You. On about every single day since I came to Camelot."<br/>

"I'm a prince." Arthur went on, angrily.<br/>

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," Merlin said dryly.<br/>

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. He could do that. He was a knight after all.<br/>
He opened his eyes again. Merlin was so close that Arthur could see little freckles on Merlin's pale skin. It was so hard. Knowing that he never could touch those freckles. Count them. It was so hard, being so close to Merlin without being able to get closer. He couldn't do this.<br/>
Arthur turned around abruptly, away from Merlin. He knew it was pathetic but what if he never found someone who would love him? What if he stayed alone forever?</p><p>Arthur almost didn't notice the tears spilling out of his eyes. He felt himself shaking, but he wasn't able to stop it. Being alone had always been his biggest fear.<br/>
"Arthur…" The anger in Merlin's voice had disappeared. "Arthur, I'm sorry. I didn't… I - I just wanted… Please talk to me."<br/>
Arthur opened his mouth to say that he was fine but only a sob escaped his lips.<br/>

The last time he had cried in front of another person was when he had been four years old. His father had found him, curled into a tight ball, sobbing because he had witnessed an execution. Arthur hadn’t got dinner that day as a punishment.<br/>
Princes don't cry, his father had said. They never show weakness.<br/>
But how could Arthur care about that right now, when Merlin was his greatest weakness?<br/>

"Hey…" Merlin rubbed his hand soothingly over Arthur's back. Arthur didn't know, when Merlin had moved, but his servant was standing in front of him now.<br/>

"You can tell me what's wrong." Merlin's voice was so full of affection and warmth.<br/>

"I just want to see you happy." The words spilled out of Arthur. "I tried to unlove you, but it won't work. I can't imagine a day without you Merlin, but I know that you are in love with someone else and I just want you to be happy but it hurts so much. And I'm so afraid. I… I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be alone."<br/>

There was a short silence after that. Arthur was sure that Merlin hated him now. He would leave Camelot for good.<br/>
But then Merlin's hand (the one that wasn’t shackled to Arthur) tilted his chin up. The touch was light, gentle. Arthur looked into Merlin's blue eyes.<br/>

"Do you really love me?"<br/>
Merlin sounded almost a little breathless.<br/>
Arthur nodded. It was too late now to go back.<br/>

"I do not only love you, Merlin. I adore you with all my heart. You are the one person that makes me whole. The one person with  whom I can truly be myself. The one person that I want to spend my life with. But if your happiness lies with somebody else, so be it."<br/>

Merlin now looked at Arthur almost in wonder before he started chuckling.<br/>
"You are an absolute clotpole."<br/>

Okay..., Arthur had expected a different reaction after confessing his undying love, but well.<br/>

Merlin reached up with his hand and slowly wiped away some of the tears on Arthur’s cheek.<br/>
"You are right. I am in love. With an overly handsome and extremely brave prince. But he is an oblivious prat most of the time."<br/>

It took a few moments for Arthur to comprehend Merlin's words.<br/>
"Does that mean that it has been me all along with whom you were in love?"<br/>

Merlin rolled his eyes. "That's what I just said. You really are a bit thick sometimes, aren’t you?"<br/>

And then, Merlin's lips were on Arthur's. </p><p>Love, so Arthur decided, was a wonderful thing. It crept its way into one's heart and stayed there. It embraced you from within, spreading a warm feeling through your body. It made you feel whole and accepted. It showed you that you were not alone. </p><p>When Merlin and Arthur finally managed to break apart after what felt like an eternity (it was a great eternity), Merlin leveled a critical glance on the brushwood<br/>
"Maybe it was not my smartest decision to throw the key in there."<br/>
Merlin's lips were red, his hair was disheveled and his eyes were almost glowing.<br/>

"You are beautiful," Arthur said, because he couldn’t help himself.<br/>

Merlin snorted. "Now I have to deal not only with a prince who is a prat but also with one who is completely besotted."<br/>

"Shut up, Merlin."<br/>

"Yes, my love, right away. Only for you"<br/>

God, Merlin would be his doom.<br/>
Arthur looked down at their chained wrists. "We should go back to Camelot and find a blacksmith who can break the chains."<br/>

Merlin nodded and ran a hand through his hair. Then a grin spread over his face.<br/>
"Or we could stay in the forest for a while. It seems like you still aren't able to distinguish between a Blueling and a Blue dancer. And I never showed you the red butterfly with the orange dots. I called that one the Arthurian, by the way, because of his huge-" Arthur silenced Merlin with another kiss. If he had known that it was so easy to get Merlin to shut up, he would have tried that much sooner.</p>
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